I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
