It's Friday. Sex?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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