I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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