Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Girls should come with a carfax report
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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