ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
