thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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