i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
