had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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