Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
