I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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