after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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