Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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