i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i just had sex bonerless
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
