so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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