Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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