i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
