on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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