just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
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