so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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