Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
