my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
