I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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