I wanna bring you to show and tell
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
