i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Green mimosas i think yes
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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