I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
