She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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