Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
