Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
How external is "for external use only"?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
