Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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