That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
its liver damage thursday
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
