words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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