New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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