i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
