He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
