i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
