Me too!
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
