I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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