Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
