Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
