I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
