I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Blood and glitter go together right?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
