Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
