been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
