I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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