I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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