Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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