im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
