Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
