How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
