Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
