Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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