I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I have fence marks all over my body
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
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