hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
