i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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