Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
