So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
