you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i've created a new STD.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
