I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize