When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize