forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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