so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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