summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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