Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
