I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
