i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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