youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
