11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
