I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
