zippers are such a cool invention
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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