i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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