Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
please come you make the beer taste better
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
