I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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