at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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