So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
This is my gift to your gina
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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