Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
it was like his penis was on wheels.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
