Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
