hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
