Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
