i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
