if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
