I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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