you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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